Cognitive Dissonance
by yqclockwork
Summary: Even after the death of Lelouch, Schneizel continues to be influenced by the effect of the Geass. Schneizel/Kanon, psychological, character study, attempt murder-suicide.


They should have died that day, on the Damocles, when they failed. But on some days, Kanon was glad that they have lived.

Much to the pain of his aide, Prince Schneizel was not a man who placed great value upon his own life. The Prince was prepared to die for the game, become a martyr for his belief if necessary. It must have ran in the family.

Kanon Maldini was prepared to die with his Prince. It was something he'd chosen for himself. An unspoken promise made long ago.

It was almost comical, how a simple sentence could alter the strongest mind of Britannia.

In the end, some selfish part of Kanon felt glad Prince Schneizel was still alive.

* * *

"And what is your thought on the matter, Prime Minister Schneizel?"

Schneizel opened his mouth, and there it was, that tattletale flare of red that coloured his prince's iris. The briefest sign that the Prince wasn't, _will never be,_ his own.

The man who was Schneizel El Brittania gave his counsel.

* * *

On other days, Kanon would see the wistful emptiness as His Prince stares into space. The vacant, lost look right after the Geass left his mind. The realization that once more, his thoughts were invaded, altered, and twisted. And the silent acceptance that came right after.

And Kanon would think, _this is not life_.

At times like these, Kanon remembered the unspoken promise.

Their lives should have ended.

Gently, Kanon curled his fingers around Schneizel's neck.

"Kanon," Schneizel stirred in his chair, awoken from his nap, the grey eyes opened slowly. His Prince spoke calmly, without any accusation in his voice.

"My Prince," he smiled softly. There would be no resistance, he'd placed muscle relaxant in his charge's tea.

His prince blinked, and returned the smile knowingly. Kanon gazed into those cool grey eyes for one last time.

"Kannon, have you heard of the term cognitive dissonance?"

Kanon blinked, the pressure of his fingers easing.

"It's the mental stress one experiences when one performs an action that contradict one's values or beliefs," he answered. The sensation felt familiar to him at the moment.

Schneizel smiled appraisingly.

"To reconcile our cognitive dissonance, we rationalize our actions, and rearranges our values so our actions become acceptable to our minds," Schneizel added, "If a man were made to act a role for long enough, he'll become it. Habit is the first step to rehabilitation. Coercion is the first step to transformation."

So it was true. The red flare in the prince's eyes was seen less and less often in recent days.

"Lately, I've begun to believe in Zero's world, my brother's world," his prince smiled wistfully.

Something within them withered and died.

"I've begun to realize..." Schneizel's eyes brightened; the cool voice, always certain, wavered, "to be alive with you, Kanon... It makes me happy."

Prince Schneizel. Cool, pragmatic Schneizle, who cared not for his own life or the lives of millions, was happy for the life of Kanon Maldini. His Schneizle, who desired for nothing for himself, felt happy. Kanon searched for the flare of red in those eyes, but his Prince's eyes were steel grey, steady, unwavering.

A tinge of warmth crept into Kanon's heart. Perhaps, he too, had begun to believe in Lelouch's world.

So Kanon let go of his Prince's neck, and pressed their lips together. A promise renewed.

 _'Til death do us part. In living shall we stand together._

He held his Prince in his arms. It was death, transformation, and revival.

"It would have been easier if you had used poison," the moment passed and Schneizel spoke.

Kanon smiled, and brushed away a stray strand of hair from his Prince's face.

"Then you would be dead, my Prince," he answered fondly, glad for his failure.

Schneizle smiled back.

"Will you help me to my bed, Kanon?"

"I'll try," Kanon pulled the larger man's arm over his shoulder. Schneizel was heavy.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really don't envy Schneizel or Kanon's position. Not one bit. Lelouch's Geass can only be described as mind-rape.


End file.
